alexdegenhardt: (WTF? SV)
I looked up something online. Turns out I need at least a 9 month internship before I could start studying what I want (which takes 8 semesters). Fuck my life. It took me ages to find something I was interested in and now that. I don't know whether I'm willing to give up 5 years for something I'm not even sure I like. 2010 really, really sucks so far for me!

ETA: I wrote to them and they said I don't need the internship (the phrasing was unclear on the website). My degree plus my years of work experience is enough. Yay!
alexdegenhardt: (Incredible Sulk SV)
I love my mom and I get on well with her for the most part. There is however one sore subject: my weight.

Today we went shopping together and for the most part it was fun, until when a shirt didn't really fit her boobs in H&M, I was like "I know how you feel. This coat is only a 14 because the 12 squished my boobs". Turns out, that's all that it took to set her off. How I really should lose weight, how unhealthy I'm being, how much better I'd look if I lost weight. It's not the first time she said the exact same thing, I said what I usually say, how I am comfortable with my own body, how I don't see how working out twice a week is unhealthy, how if I felt like I needed to lose weight I would. Also how it's my body and therefore my business and could she stop it. Of course she didn't stop it and in the end I just left. She said she was only telling me the truth and that I was running away.

I don't know what I'm gonna do anymore. It's the neverending argument, where I'm like "Back off the subject" and she plays the motherly guilt card. It just feels like 1) she has no idea what I actually eat 2) she's projecting her own body image issues on me (she's a 6, but never happy with her body, always looking to lose weight) and 3) I feel like she treats me like a child worse than when I actually was one. All of this I've already told her, all of it making no difference whatsoever.

Also I really loved when she accused me of not loving myself enough and then when I left after she disrespected my wish not to talk about it and just my opinion in general, she said I was running away. Whatever, woman. Seriously???

We actually wanted to go to a museum on Wednesday. I'm not seeing it happening.


Apr. 8th, 2010 01:09 am
alexdegenhardt: (Dread one day at a time)
It's been 3 1/2 weeks since I stopped working. Time really flies. I'm all shopped out (for the moment). I've gotten massages, spent time with friends and family, did my taxes and so forth.

My sleeping schedule is a bit off. In the beginning I usually went to bed at 2 o'clock. These days it's more like 4 o'clock and then it's still half an hour of tossing and turning before I fall asleep. I'm trying to get up at 11 am, so I don't sleep all day. Let's hope I'll be able to settle back into a normal rhythm.

I got my reference letter a week and a half ago. I sent it to the Legal Department of my union. They looked it over and it's okay. It's got some room for improvement, but it's acceptable. There are no hidden negative meanings. I still sent an E-Mail to my HR person to give them the notes they had on it. We'll see if I get a revised version. Another thing is how long it will take. It took them ages to write this one, hopefully they're faster the second time.

I'm still a master procrastinator. I've started watching several new shows (Cougartown, The Good Wife) and caught up on others (Supernatural, Smallville (only the Green Arrow episodes). I'm dragging my feet deciding on what I'm gonna do. I'm scared. It's like if I don't do anything, I can't do anything wrong or fail. Stupid but true. I still have a little time, but as soon as my new reference letter arrives, I'm gonna have to start applying for jobs and also go to fill out forms for my unemployment benefits.
alexdegenhardt: (Golden Gate Bridge Fog)
We were very unlucky. The one day of the trip where the weather wasn't great and it was on the day we visited the Alhambra.

Lots of pictures )
alexdegenhardt: (Golden Gate Bridge Fog)
Last day of the trip.

Pictures )
alexdegenhardt: (Golden Gate Bridge Fog)
On Day 8 we made a trip to the Ourika Valley.

Pictures )
alexdegenhardt: (Being an adult sucks)
This day last week I had my last day at work. It was weird and emotional. They manage to get me flowers, a card and a 300 bucks gift card to a bookstore (yay!). I shook everybody's hand to say goodbye. I'm proud of myself, I've walked out of there with my head held high.

So for the past week I've done stuff I haven't had time for or always put off. You know, cleaning this and that, buying this and that, sleeping in a bit. I've had a massage, dinner with two of my friends and went to a matinee during the week. It's awesome so far. Of course, I can't putting off decisions regarding my future forever. That's the scary part. But I'm working real hard to repress that for a while.
alexdegenhardt: (Looking Back DLM)
Work continues to suck. I have a new boss since Monday. On Thursday, another person is gonna move into our already cramped office. We get to have even less space to work. We won't get any help (I still work for 1.4 people), because they used the 40% my coworker reduced somewhere else. Not where they need to, mind you. Not that they told us where. They tell us nothing anyway. I swear I get more usefull information from having lunch with coworkers/people from adjecent departments than I ever get told the official way. Turns out, one person is moving to Hong Kong for work. I know that only because I had lunch with him in the canteen.

I so need a new job. All this stuff just shows me that they don't appreciate our work at all. The people there are totally helpless without us assistants, but yeah, let's piss us off. They are all very intelligent, but have trouble finding envelopes on their own. My new office mate is similiarly pissed off. She actually told our new boss that as soon as she finds a new job, she's out of there.

Today I spent hours clicking on online job ads, but I haven't found something worth applying for. I think I need to go the job placement agency route again. It's probably easiest and fastest. I don't really have time to surf the net every day to look for a new job.

And I still haven't found a new roommate. Blergh! My life could do with a little less sucking.
alexdegenhardt: (Career family AT)
I bought myself a new computer. I'm writing this on my new MacBook Pro 13''. It's awesome and pretty and so shiny! Although I'm trying not to touch the screen as much as possible, I'm pretty sure if need be they could pull my fingerprints off it without problems. The wireless capability is nifty. I managed to pull everything off my old iBook without a hitch.

Christmas was nice. Nothing special happened, my family was as loud and funny as ever. I got to see two of my cousins again. They've grown so much. They're full on teenagers now. The older of the two wore high heel shoes and makeup (she's 14). I couldn't even walk in those shoes. Kids these days. They grow up so fast!

Work still sucks. I need to start thinking about what I really want to do and getting a new job. I had my performance appraisal on Tuesday. It wasn't bad, it was pretty much the same as last year. The thing is it was so impersonal and failed to take into account my actual performance, it was a huge letdown. I swear, if there wasn't my name on top, you would have no idea it was mine. It's just not motivational at all.

I obviously could have started to think about all that this long weekend, but I didn't, because I'm great at procrastinating. If only I could put that on my CV ;-)
alexdegenhardt: (Sunshine & Optimism Glee)
Loved the fall finale of Glee. Can it be April, like now?

I was sick again this week. I think it's because my coworker only works 60% since September. Because I basically do 140%, I'm tired all the time and lack energy. I need to take this up with my boss. I can't go on like this. Why is so hard to ask for help?

I still haven't found a new roommate. There were a few that were interested, but a lot of them never showed up for our meetings. It's really annoying. There must be someone out there, who I like and who wants to live with me, right?
alexdegenhardt: (Golden Gate Bridge Fog)
More Pictures from Marrakech

Pictures )
alexdegenhardt: (Golden Gate Bridge Fog)
We had a great hotel in Marrakech, maybe the nicest of the whole trip. Many of the group I traveled with had diarrhea/issues with digestion. My roommate for this trip had it worst of all. From Marrakech onward she was weak, had fever and diarrhea and spent the whole time in bed.

Pictures )
alexdegenhardt: (Golden Gate Bridge Fog)
After a night in the worst hotel room I've ever slept in, it was time for another journey by bus to Marrakech.

Pictures )
alexdegenhardt: (Oh noes PD)
I'm sick. I don't know whether it's just a normal flu or swine flu. I don't have a fever, but I have 5 of the symptoms on the NHS list (unusual tiredness, headache, loss of appetite, aching muscles, diarrhea). In short, I feel like I've been run over by a truck. Unless my one day of bed rest prompts some sort of miracle, I'll stay home tomorrow.
alexdegenhardt: (Golden Gate Bridge Fog)
We got up super early (4 a.m.) to be in the desert at 5.30 to be up in the dunes at 6, when the sun came up.

Pictures )
alexdegenhardt: (Golden Gate Bridge Fog)
Day 3 was mostly spent on the bus, with photo stops and bathroom breaks.

Pictures )
alexdegenhardt: (Golden Gate Bridge Fog)
Next stop was Fes. Fes never had a map that was actually factual. They have so many small nooks and crooks in the old part of the city, they advise you not to go in there without a local guide and they are not lying.

Pictures )
alexdegenhardt: (Golden Gate Bridge Fog)
We flew to Casablanca.

Pictures )
alexdegenhardt: (Hey there PD)
Wow, it's been a while since I last posted anything on here.

Life has been going on as usual. I was in Morocco on vacation. Morocco is a beautiful country. The group I traveled with was good as well. No oblivious jackasses like my trip to Greece this year. I took over 400 pictures. I've weeded it down to 318 and uploaded the best ones online. I might do a photo post later. We started in Casablanca, than Fes, than went to the desert, Marrakech, spent 2 nights in Essouira and then back to Casablanca. There is a serious downside to being a tourist in Morocco and that is there are always people trying to sell you something. It's seriously annoying. Also as a woman, you feel really vulnerable. Once I went to the ATM around the corner from our hotel by myself and was immediately followed by a guy on a scooter, hitting on me and trying to find out what language I was speaking. Thankfully, when I ignored him, he went away, but it's just not pleasant, you know.
alexdegenhardt: (Busy Work HIMYM)
At the moment, I'm not happy at work at all. I think it's the result of the two months I worked for two. I'm still sort of tired and grumpy because of that, even though I took a week off. And starting this week, my coworker starts to work part time (60%). I'm trying really hard not to resent him for that. I mean, it's not really his fault. But I'm just so fucking tired of being the responsible, reliable one, the one that has to take care of everything. In addition to that, I've come to the realization that while the job is a challenge on a organizational level, the rest of it is boring and I'm way overqualified. Of course, now is the perfect time to look for a job in finance *sarcasm*. I'm just fucked....
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